Scared

I'm just really scared to like you right now.
I have given myself so many times before
that it is so hard for me to fall.
Yeah I can be next to you and talk your head off
til the birds sing,
but yet in still
I'm scared.
I want to breeze across your skin
and and let my fingers grace your body
whenever we lie next to each other,
I want to feel the butterflies in my stomach
every time
I'm with you
and
everytime
you cross my mind.
I want to I really do.
but I'm scared.
I'm scared of being hurt like the last one.
I'm scared of being let down or pushed to the side.
I am really scared of just being alone in the end.
The late night chats,
time well spent
and so much more to come.
I want to cry tears of happiness
when I'm with you and even when I'm not,
not tears of regret and of broken heart.
I want to look at you and see the man I think you are and what you show me but I'm scared it is not true.
I'm scared it is not really you.
I want you to think of me as your queen and your everything but I know that won't be because I'm scared she already took that place.
I'm scared that I'll be temporary
and not permanent
for I was always's second best.
I'm scared you won't value my body
as I value it
therefore you will abuse it and not treat it kindly.
But so far you haven't done none of these things.
So why I am I so scared of the past when you are not in it?
Why?
Just preparation for the future
that may never come between us.
I don't want to see you and feel the need to look away~I want to smile from inside and out.
And then for you to receive that smile and welcome me with a hug.
For I really like you and want to be with you but I am truly just
scared.