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farewell...

I don't know if I am alone in this but I have a feeling I am not. That feeling... When someone makes  attempts to make you feel like you aren't good enough. Pretty enough. Smart enough. Holy enough. For them. You tell yourself, your friends tell you, everybody tells you that you are over and beyond good enough, matter of fact to good but it's always that 1, sole, person that can  try to break you down. Sometimes on purpose and then other times, they are so accustomed to doing it that, it becomes second nature. Yet, we listen and take everything in like a sponge. Absorbing the ill words and thoughts and letting them sit in our brain til it rots us out. I know I am not alone. Those times, when we sit on social networks and click, and click, and click and examine. Sometime, clicking with tears in our eyes, sometimes clicking with anger in our hearts. But we continue to click and click and click. Knowing that it isn't healthy, but it is something about that particular pain ...

Last words...

September 18, 2011 Him: Whatever I did... I'm sorry Him:  Deniscia, I hope you don't feel used. I value you, I value our friendship, I value our relationship. My feelings for you are honest and blunt... I do care for you... a lot, but I can't invest what I would like because of time/space. Deniscia I don't take our conversations, the time you give me, or our trust in vain... you are important to me ... and I want you to know that...if something bothers you, I hope you can trust me enough to talk about it. I don't know what to tell you... but I'm here...

Diary Entry: Songs from the heart

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No....

No... I will not fall in love tomorrow Know that it will happen one day No... I will not succeed in finding love Know that it will find me No... I will not take a step back Know that I only take steps forward No... I will not fall for you Know that you fall head over heels for me No... I will not allow you to make a fool of me Know that I am NO ONES fool No... I will not return back to that place Know that place is off the map... unreachable No... I will not let you have my heart Know that it belongs to me No... I will not give you the key either Know that it was thrown in a sea No... I will not "give into you" Because you have not given to me No... I will not allow you back in my life Because you didn't appreciate it while you were there Yes I am done. Done with you trying to play with me.

On this day in 2009

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Facebook has this new ( app ) that shows you what you wrote as your status a year or two ago and up popped this post: As I reread the status, I was taken back to try to remember exactly, where I was in that year ( SSU ) and who/what may have sparked that feeling ( null- I honestly can't remember ) and whatever it was couldn't possibly top the way I feel now. I am starting to think this status was written then, for me to read now. Two years have passed and I am feeling what that status says ( I guess again? ) but this time not as a sad, "whoa is me" kind of way but a pumped up feeling- like I have to do better and want better and truly LISTEN to the ending which says "This to shall pass." Having that mindset can only bring me JOY & HAPPINESS

challenge

stimulate me mentally  challenge me emotionally tickle my fancy feed my love quench my passion build my faith love me dearly is that too much to ask? I didn't think so

Someone like you

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I was introduced to Adele back in college around my Junior year to be exact with her song... " Chasing Pavement ." We would sing that song over and over in the car, not sure if it was to each other but we were in sync. Years later when we were no longer in sync, I tried to wipe Adele out of my mind along with the sing along's that we had. But now she is back and I never felt so connected to her lyrics like I do now. It is as if, she is in my brain, feeling my emotions, taking the thoughts out of my soul and applying them to music and singing them with the exact emotion that I would. I never thought or could imagine that the one who introduced me would be the one I dedicate this too... Before I knew the words (because I never know the words to songs ) I thought she said something else, but either version, mine or hers, the words still bring meaning and understanding to my heart and soul. "Nevermind, I'll find someone like  better than you...." ...